Sunday, February 13, 2011



And the story goes on!!!!

I swear!  I've been completely intent on posting everyday, but Argentina SERIOUSLY does not like me documenting adventures, so every time I intend to post something, she's throws small obstacles in my way....like a new city, another random traveler with a very awesome bad idea, a free bottle of wine, a pack of Israelis, Swiss- Germans, hangovers, BBQ's, 22 hour bus rides, getting lost....often....you know, the normal traveler stuff.

Iguazu Falls….the most beautiful thing I’ve seen so far

Iguazu Falls definitely lived up to its reputation.  From my adventurer side, it was one of the most amazing outdoor adventure oriented things I have ever seen.  The size of the waterfalls alone is mind boggling.  The animals that you randomly see hanging out are just as impressive, and the fact that you can see the entire experience just a few feet from the edge of the waterfalls tops it off.  So here’s how it went.

From Buenos Aires, I took a 22 hour bus ride to get there, which was actually better than first class plane flights I’ve been on.  I never would have guessed.  FYI, traveling by bus in Argentina is extremely cheap and a reasonably comfortable way to travel.  $100 got me about 800 miles away, in a fully reclining seat (to the point that it became a bed), two full meals, and a free viewing of an Ozzy Osbourne concert from the 70’s.  I think the Ozzy Osbourne concert was the best part.  The dude is weird….end of story.  I’d go into it, but I don’t think there’s enough room for random tangent here.  But, 22 hours later…..Iguazu begins.

The city of Iguazu is pretty interesting.  A quaint little tourist town hidden in South American jungles.  It somewhat resembles a pre-economic boom ski resort town with a couple main streets and restaurants….except the money troubles are fairly evident.  None the less, the city had quite a bit of character but I’ll stick to Big Bear.

The Iguazu Falls were purely amazing.  I’ll divide this part up into my outdoor side and my more logical city boy side.

Experiencing Iguazu Falls

The Iguazu Falls were probably the single most amazing thing in nature I’ve seen in my life.  The size and design of these falls make them just marvelous.  I really can’t put it into words, so I’ve attached a few pictures.  For me, the day started with a 20 minute ride on the public bus which just so happened to stop at the falls.  From here, I followed the herd of tourists into the park (which at first resembled the San Diego Wild Animal Park), at which point I proceeded to fork over pretty much all the money in my pockets to get into the park.  There’s a common habit of viewing tourists in this country as walking ATM’s, so if you’re not South American, just hand them your wallet and hope they at least leave the pictures in it. 





























Within the park they had a couple interesting little tours.  Against my better judgment, I opted for both.  The first involved hopping into a cargo truck for a mini safari through the South American jungles to get to the best vantage point for the waterfalls on the river.  The second, involved getting on a boat to cruise up the river and view the waterfalls from “a different angle”.  I probably should have asked more about this part before I bought my ticket.  The jungle safari was fairly uneventful, except for the huge spiders hanging from the trees.  It ended at a long path that led to the river’s edge….and the boat for the next part of our journey.

So, as I started coming closer to this boat, I have about 50 different alarms going off in my head.  The most important of which is that I do not like water.  I can swim pretty well, but I’m not a fan of swimming in water I can’t see through, and therefore can’t see whatever creature is thinking about making me it’s chocolate Lunchable.  This river pretty much looks like the Amazon.  Muddy and murky where we’re at.  God knows what’s in the water….but, back to the boat.  As I hop on, the driver hands us all these huge plastic bags to keep our valuables dry….and then strongly suggests we put as much as possible in there.  That’s warning number 2, at the least.  We all hop in, strap in, and the driver takes off.  As we cruise up the, we initially see the smaller falls, and in the distance, we see the larger ones.  Iguazu Falls has a total of over 100 separate falls.  It was beautiful!  The closest I can describe it is that it felt like the scene in Jurassic Park when you initially see the island.  We cruised up the river as the driver drove in circles giving us tourists the chance to take pictures of the first two of the three larger falls.  Initially, we got within 100 meters of the falls….it was an amazing sight.  Then, we cruised further up the river to view the largest and wildest of the three major falls….the Garganta Diablo.  It is named as such because you actually can’t see the bottom of the falls.  Because of the amount of water and how far it falls, the mist that comes up prevents you from seeing the bottom….making it look like a bottomless pit of water, and supposedly, a gateway to hell.  At this point, the driver spins around and the tour is over….or so I thought.







Having the living $%6t scared out of me by Iguazu Falls!

That crazy driver!  My next alarm should have been when he yelled to put away all of our cameras and puts on an entire water proof suit, googles, and pulls out a gigantic camera waterproofed and encased in a plastic shell.  He yells to sit back, tuck away any electronics and hang on, and then guns it!  This crazy f&*^er drives the boat right underneath the waterfall.  This is the same waterfall that dwarfs Niagara Falls, and is only rivaled by Victoria Falls.  I have to be honest, I have never gripped the railing of a boat so tight.  I was scared as hell….definitely scarier than being pursued by the transvestite at Club 69…kind of.  And this was just the first waterfall.  The driver then proceeds to spin the boat around doing 360’s just so in the slight break from having thousands of gallons of water dumped on us as the but spins in circles we can laugh at the people at the other end of the boat nearly being drowned right before we have the realization of “damn, here it comes again!”  Did I mention that I sat in front?  After a couple spins (and laughs from the guy in the waterproof suit) the driver backs off, backs away, and then points the boat at the second fall.  He then leaves time for a dramatic pause….and does it again on the second fall!  I watched several other boats do the same tour and none of them got as close.  I seriously think they had some kind of twisted social experiment going where when a black guy comes, they push the limit with the waterfall to see how much he’ll freak out.  Stereotype testing, maybe?  After having their fun on the second waterfall, they proceeded to the third, the Garganta Diablo.  Thankfully, they didn’t go nearly as close with this ride.  Because of how huge this fall was, it would be ridiculous to try the same feat.  It would have been fun to make CNN though.  After the ride, I’d felt calmer than I have in a long time…but I think it’s because I didn’t have any adrenaline left in my body.  I’d do it again in a heartbeat.



Opossum Bandits and the Art of Begging

So, an interesting thing about Argentina is how everything is so relaxed that it makes coexisting a breeze.  Stray dogs lie about on the sidewalk and occasionally follow you for a few blocks better than any pup I’ve seen in the states.  Also, if it sees that you’re staring at it, it will usually come by and offer you the chance to pet it, wag its tail, and then walk off.  They don’t bark, and they don’t bite.  If you’re eating food, they don’t even beg or bother you.  It’s amazing, and I think it all has something to do with the Latin American sentiment of “screw it, what’s the worst that could happen…just leave it”.  This works very well with pups….but no one filled the opossums in on that story.



The second most entertaining part of Iguazu was easily the opossums.  Throughout the park, there is a huge population of opossums.  With very few predators there, they flourish….but they are the friendliest things ever…a little too friendly sometimes.  In the food court, there were at least 15 opossums hanging out and waiting for people to drop food…if no one dropped food, they’d come up and ask, and if no one shared, they’d actually create a setup…one would distract the picnickers and the other would run of with the goods….like Yogi and Boo Boo!  I swear I could hear them squealing “Run Paco run!  Amazing.  I wasn’t even mad, I was actually impressed.  I spent half of my lunch watching these little guys sit off to the side and wait until someone took an eye off of their food and then swipe their bag of chips.  These opossums would also walk up to you and put their hands on your leg and then look at your food, then look at you, then look at your food, then look at you as if to say “you gonna eat that?”  My favorite one hopped onto my table and sat right in front of my plate and looked at my nectarine, then looked at me, and then pointed at my nectarine with his nose, and then sat back and looked at me.  I was so impressed that I held it out to him and he took it from my hands, set it next to my plate and ate with me.  Damn, I hope I don’t catch anything.

The rest of the day at Iguazu was spent wandering and marveling at the waterfalls….and deep down, hoping to God that the bridges wouldn’t break on me. ( I swear I’ll stop partying if you let me make it through this intact….without dropping my iPhone into the river…..or something like that).



By the end of the day, I had walked for about 8 hours looking at these waterfalls.  Just to give you an idea of how amazing it was, this little adventure changed my entire trip here in South America.  It made me realize how much of my trip has been speant partying and then racing to get home (or to the nearest McDonalds) before the sun comes up.  Originally, I had planned on ending this adventure in Brazil, celebrating Carnaval in Rio and Salvador, the two biggest Carnaval spots in the world, and then proceeding to Florinopolis, which notoriously has the best beach parties in the world.  Instead, I’ll be heading down to Patagonia to trek and camp through the party days.  The views are supposedly amazing, and just as epic as Iguazu Falls….except there are a ton more of them.  Many people have gone into Patagonia, fallen in love with the mountains, and disappeared, so I’m going to make sure I give the continent its due justice and do some wildnerness trekking.  So, for the record, Iguazu Falls is so amazing, that it made Carlos choose camping over partying.  Just epic.

**Update** I think I might have been convinced to head to Colombia for part of Carnaval.  Somebody started googling pictures of Medellin and the “scenery”, and I have to say…the outdoors are beautiful, but Colombia is putting out some amazing….um…entertainment potential?  I might have to renegotiate this Patagonia thing.  Definitely going to mountain man for a well…but Patagonia can’t be selfish!

For now, its 4AM again and I have to call it quits, but since the Iguazu adventure, I’ve bounced forward two more cities on my adventure, and wandered to the border of Pargauay, Brazil, and Uraguay one night at 4AM after hitting a local bar….but those stories will have to wait until later.  Until then…you guys really need to start planning your trip to South America.  Take care!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

The Hangover! Buenos Aires Edition


Let's Play Catchup

Wow!  It has been almost two weeks since my last post.  It has been nearly  3 weeks since I arrived in South America….time is flying!  So, I owe you all an apology!  I had originally planned on posting everyday to share my stories….but you ain't getting' Sh$T!  Haha, ok, I mean that semi jokingly.  This adventure has been amazing, and in the wake of the chaos, I've been struggling to keep up with the adventures and keep my body from falling apart, but it has all been in search of the "greater adventure."  Also, the Latin American machismo of "if you don't like it you can kiss my highly cultured and purely bred assets" may be getting to me. Or is that just the Buenos Aires' dubbed Portenos?  Maybe….but I can dig it!  So, here goes….


The last time I wrote, I left off at the Transvestite Club adventure.  I'll be completely honest, I don't remember a whole lot from the last two weeks!  The pace of Buenos Aires' party scene, combined with the energy of having over 100 adventure obsessed backpackers in one hostel (the Millhouse) creates a perfect storm that could leave worse aftermath than Katrina.  In the past two weeks, I've nearly been mugged twice (both ended up well…great adventures in their own), haven't gone to bed before 3 AM once, went to bed before 7 AM twice, and actually had a cabbie who was driving me home at 4 AM ask "Amigo, why are you going home so early?"   I've met one person of nearly every Latin and European nationality who had something ridiculously sly to say about Yanks…..but somehow knew the words to all of the American hits in the club….even though I didn't even know the song.  What the hell?  But, every single one of them have been amazing, and great personalities.  I've begun Spanish lessons, an adventure to learn how to Samba and sneak into Brazil for Carnival, and began my trek towards Patagonia, the most awesome mountain range in South America.  I've met a handful of expatriates who've done what I've done and taken it a step further….sold their entire lives and made Argentina their new home.  I've learned quite a few useful lessons about "amor" from South America too…..but those are my stories.  If you want those, it'll cost you a bottle of wine and a reciprocal story, so those aren't going public.  I've escaped Buenos Aires twice (that's how amazing that place is…it took two attempts to get away).  About a week ago, I hopped a ferry (the boat kind…not leftovers from Club 69) over to Montevideo in Uruguay which ended up being an oddly practical lesson on outlook, but ultimately I wouldn't recommend it as a vacation destination.  I will most likely drop through the better portions on the way to Carnival.  I returned to Buenos Aires and started private Spanish lessons, salsa lessons, and informal samba lessons in an attempt to take some of the better parts of Latin America Culture home with me….to counterbalance the ability to party until the sun comes up and then walk to McDonalds and get a cheeseburger.  I found the best steak joint on the planet, and I'm not telling where its at!  Picture a filet mignon, cooked perfectly….for less than $6.  That's Buenos Aires!  And for $10, a little more than half a bottle of wine, a filet, side dishes, and half a side of ribs…..plus tip.  I love Buenos Aires. And no I won't tell you where the restaurant is….unless you decide to come with me.  So, in addition to all this over the last week, I've managed to actually do quite a few touristy things, which were well worth the time.  I've checked out several palaces in the Palermo and Recoleta districts, which I'd highly recommend, took a walk through President "Christina's" House  (the Casa Rosada), and wandered aimlessly around town looking at monuments while running the history of them and who their dedicated to through Wikipedia.  The most fun part of Buenos Aires is how it bleeds culture everywhere.  The tagging and graffiti is everywhere, and remarkably rebellious yet artistic.  The street tango dancers are amazing.  The areas of Recoletta and parts of Palermo are something on par with Paris.  Pure beauty and class, and in a league of their own.  To sit and have coffee in one of these areas is amazing.  Just people watching, or enjoying the atmosphere.  The food this place puts out is pretty much beef, beef, beef, wine, and beef.  I love it all.  Did I mention I've started looking into buying a condo here?

That's It....I Give Up!

Well, as all things must come to an end before your liver gives out or the underworld catches up to you….I have put a temporary hiatus on my relationship with Buenos Aires.  We're not quite breaking up…just taking a break so I can see other places with a little more meaning…just to test my options.  I still love her!  I'm just not IN love with her anymore.  Probably because I'm so dehydrated and losing brain cells by the day.  With that, I'm now in the next phase of my adventure.

Plagiarizing Plans

From all of the other travelers I chatted with during my stay in Buenos Aires, I created a semblance of a plan for how I will proceed in my South American conquest.  As sarcastic as that sounded, I am attempting to put a little more meaning into the next few portions of my journey.  I'm culminating with Carnival in Brazil, so I'll have no chance of hiding from debauchery there….regardless of how I try, so I need to do the meaningful stuff now.

Escape to Iguazu

At present, I am in a little place called Puerto Iguazu….attempting to work off my party hangover.  Iguazu is most notably associated with the Iguazu river and the Iguazu falls.  The Iguazu river is the little rio that forms the border between Brazil and Argentina and culminates in the spectacular formation known as the Iguazu falls which are said only to be rivaled by the Victoria Falls in Africa.  This place (Puerto Iguazu) is quite interesting and charming.  It has the quaint attitude of a Colorado ski town, but surrounded by a sub tropical rainforest.  Apparently, in the little canals that line the sides of the roads, eels and (every so often) electric eels hang out.  One more reason to fear the water was just what I needed.  The most amazing part about Iguazu Falls is that at some point along the way in which, based on where you are standing, water is falling all around you.  There is also a point known as the Devil's Mouth where the water falls, but you can't see the bottom.  Its said to be the gateway to hell, hence the name.  I joked about where I was going to end up after Buenos Aires…but damn, I didn't think it'd be this quick!  There are large rodents running around the falls…that are actually quite friendly but may have rabies supposedly.  There will  be Capuchin monkeys in the trees hanging around and tons of birds that would be great candidates for "Fruit Loops"  cereal box covers.  The plan is to wake up early (for the first time since I've reached this continent), reach the falls and wander, sign up for a tour to hop in a tiny rubber boat and float around on this massive river leading to these massive falls.  Now, this is a point where some part of me is saying that floating around on a tiny rubber boat next to the biggest waterfalls anyone knows of doesn't make very good sense….luckily, this wouldn't be my first bad decision in the last two weeks, so I've got momentum….I can roll with it.  If time permits, I'll ditch the boat and hop on a different trek to wander on a tour through a real sub-tropic jungle….and hope I don't end as a special feature on a "what not to do" safety video.  If all goes well, I'll have a few pretty pictures to share within the next couple of days.  All of this will be more than enough to work off my hangover.

The (slightly idiotic) Morals to the Story

So, impromptu lessons from South America so far….

  1. Hamburgers in South America are ridiculous.  Picture a regular Hamburger…now stack the entire deli section on top of it….I mean ham, a few slices of cheese, some bacon, and an egg.  Its frickin delicious! I would have taken a picture of it, but I wanted to eat before the stray dog stole it from me. He was eye'in  my goodies so I had to hurry.
  2. Hamburgers bought in dirty South American roach coaches from the shady side of are the most ridiculously delicious things ever!
  3. When you end up getting your stomach destroyed for eating that burger which doubles as a bacteria culture, reach for Coca Cola….I'm serious!  It works!  3 hours after downing that sugar bomb I was fine.   Although, after drinking an entire 2 liter bottle of Coca Cola I was as wired as a crackhead for about 30 minutes.  And local kids seemed to be laughing a my facial expressions which probably showed how uncomfortable I was.  Damn roach coach….I hate you….but I can't shake you.  I'll be back.
  4. Whenever you meet someone from another country have some canned material ready to crack on their nationality a bit….because once they find out you're American, you've got a huge red bulls eye on your forehead.  If you can hang with the crossfire though, its good fun…
  5. Taxi drivers are the shadiest people ever in South America!  I love 'em! …..end of story.
  6. Pretending you're gay in the club definitely attracts women…although….if  you pretend too hard, it creates problems of its own.  I did not learn this lesson personally….just for the record…. 
  7. Women will still pursue you….even if they think you're gay.  Very funny story on its own.
  8. Brazilian girls are the most awesomely passionate yet street smart things on the planet! 
  9. Irish girls are highly entertaining.  I swear I could sit there and listen to them jibber jabber for hours….I think I did.  I still don't know if they were making up words on the spot, or if they were actually using real English.
     

And that wraps up my horribly sparse summary of the last week and some change in South America.  I will be back!  And I am still looking for adventure recommendations.  Ciao!