Let's Play Catchup
Wow! It has been almost two weeks since my last post. It has been nearly 3 weeks since I arrived in South America….time is flying! So, I owe you all an apology! I had originally planned on posting everyday to share my stories….but you ain't getting' Sh$T! Haha, ok, I mean that semi jokingly. This adventure has been amazing, and in the wake of the chaos, I've been struggling to keep up with the adventures and keep my body from falling apart, but it has all been in search of the "greater adventure." Also, the Latin American machismo of "if you don't like it you can kiss my highly cultured and purely bred assets" may be getting to me. Or is that just the Buenos Aires' dubbed Portenos? Maybe….but I can dig it! So, here goes….
The last time I wrote, I left off at the Transvestite Club adventure. I'll be completely honest, I don't remember a whole lot from the last two weeks! The pace of Buenos Aires' party scene, combined with the energy of having over 100 adventure obsessed backpackers in one hostel (the Millhouse) creates a perfect storm that could leave worse aftermath than Katrina. In the past two weeks, I've nearly been mugged twice (both ended up well…great adventures in their own), haven't gone to bed before 3 AM once, went to bed before 7 AM twice, and actually had a cabbie who was driving me home at 4 AM ask "Amigo, why are you going home so early?" I've met one person of nearly every Latin and European nationality who had something ridiculously sly to say about Yanks…..but somehow knew the words to all of the American hits in the club….even though I didn't even know the song. What the hell? But, every single one of them have been amazing, and great personalities. I've begun Spanish lessons, an adventure to learn how to Samba and sneak into Brazil for Carnival, and began my trek towards Patagonia, the most awesome mountain range in South America. I've met a handful of expatriates who've done what I've done and taken it a step further….sold their entire lives and made Argentina their new home. I've learned quite a few useful lessons about "amor" from South America too…..but those are my stories. If you want those, it'll cost you a bottle of wine and a reciprocal story, so those aren't going public. I've escaped Buenos Aires twice (that's how amazing that place is…it took two attempts to get away). About a week ago, I hopped a ferry (the boat kind…not leftovers from Club 69) over to Montevideo in Uruguay which ended up being an oddly practical lesson on outlook, but ultimately I wouldn't recommend it as a vacation destination. I will most likely drop through the better portions on the way to Carnival. I returned to Buenos Aires and started private Spanish lessons, salsa lessons, and informal samba lessons in an attempt to take some of the better parts of Latin America Culture home with me….to counterbalance the ability to party until the sun comes up and then walk to McDonalds and get a cheeseburger. I found the best steak joint on the planet, and I'm not telling where its at! Picture a filet mignon, cooked perfectly….for less than $6. That's Buenos Aires! And for $10, a little more than half a bottle of wine, a filet, side dishes, and half a side of ribs…..plus tip. I love Buenos Aires. And no I won't tell you where the restaurant is….unless you decide to come with me. So, in addition to all this over the last week, I've managed to actually do quite a few touristy things, which were well worth the time. I've checked out several palaces in the Palermo and Recoleta districts, which I'd highly recommend, took a walk through President "Christina's" House (the Casa Rosada), and wandered aimlessly around town looking at monuments while running the history of them and who their dedicated to through Wikipedia. The most fun part of Buenos Aires is how it bleeds culture everywhere. The tagging and graffiti is everywhere, and remarkably rebellious yet artistic. The street tango dancers are amazing. The areas of Recoletta and parts of Palermo are something on par with Paris. Pure beauty and class, and in a league of their own. To sit and have coffee in one of these areas is amazing. Just people watching, or enjoying the atmosphere. The food this place puts out is pretty much beef, beef, beef, wine, and beef. I love it all. Did I mention I've started looking into buying a condo here?
That's It....I Give Up!
Well, as all things must come to an end before your liver gives out or the underworld catches up to you….I have put a temporary hiatus on my relationship with Buenos Aires. We're not quite breaking up…just taking a break so I can see other places with a little more meaning…just to test my options. I still love her! I'm just not IN love with her anymore. Probably because I'm so dehydrated and losing brain cells by the day. With that, I'm now in the next phase of my adventure.
Plagiarizing Plans
From all of the other travelers I chatted with during my stay in Buenos Aires, I created a semblance of a plan for how I will proceed in my South American conquest. As sarcastic as that sounded, I am attempting to put a little more meaning into the next few portions of my journey. I'm culminating with Carnival in Brazil, so I'll have no chance of hiding from debauchery there….regardless of how I try, so I need to do the meaningful stuff now.
Escape to Iguazu
At present, I am in a little place called Puerto Iguazu….attempting to work off my party hangover. Iguazu is most notably associated with the Iguazu river and the Iguazu falls. The Iguazu river is the little rio that forms the border between Brazil and Argentina and culminates in the spectacular formation known as the Iguazu falls which are said only to be rivaled by the Victoria Falls in Africa. This place (Puerto Iguazu) is quite interesting and charming. It has the quaint attitude of a Colorado ski town, but surrounded by a sub tropical rainforest. Apparently, in the little canals that line the sides of the roads, eels and (every so often) electric eels hang out. One more reason to fear the water was just what I needed. The most amazing part about Iguazu Falls is that at some point along the way in which, based on where you are standing, water is falling all around you. There is also a point known as the Devil's Mouth where the water falls, but you can't see the bottom. Its said to be the gateway to hell, hence the name. I joked about where I was going to end up after Buenos Aires…but damn, I didn't think it'd be this quick! There are large rodents running around the falls…that are actually quite friendly but may have rabies supposedly. There will be Capuchin monkeys in the trees hanging around and tons of birds that would be great candidates for "Fruit Loops" cereal box covers. The plan is to wake up early (for the first time since I've reached this continent), reach the falls and wander, sign up for a tour to hop in a tiny rubber boat and float around on this massive river leading to these massive falls. Now, this is a point where some part of me is saying that floating around on a tiny rubber boat next to the biggest waterfalls anyone knows of doesn't make very good sense….luckily, this wouldn't be my first bad decision in the last two weeks, so I've got momentum….I can roll with it. If time permits, I'll ditch the boat and hop on a different trek to wander on a tour through a real sub-tropic jungle….and hope I don't end as a special feature on a "what not to do" safety video. If all goes well, I'll have a few pretty pictures to share within the next couple of days. All of this will be more than enough to work off my hangover.
The (slightly idiotic) Morals to the Story
So, impromptu lessons from South America so far….
- Hamburgers in South America are ridiculous. Picture a regular Hamburger…now stack the entire deli section on top of it….I mean ham, a few slices of cheese, some bacon, and an egg. Its frickin delicious! I would have taken a picture of it, but I wanted to eat before the stray dog stole it from me. He was eye'in my goodies so I had to hurry.
- Hamburgers bought in dirty South American roach coaches from the shady side of are the most ridiculously delicious things ever!
- When you end up getting your stomach destroyed for eating that burger which doubles as a bacteria culture, reach for Coca Cola….I'm serious! It works! 3 hours after downing that sugar bomb I was fine. Although, after drinking an entire 2 liter bottle of Coca Cola I was as wired as a crackhead for about 30 minutes. And local kids seemed to be laughing a my facial expressions which probably showed how uncomfortable I was. Damn roach coach….I hate you….but I can't shake you. I'll be back.
- Whenever you meet someone from another country have some canned material ready to crack on their nationality a bit….because once they find out you're American, you've got a huge red bulls eye on your forehead. If you can hang with the crossfire though, its good fun…
- Taxi drivers are the shadiest people ever in South America! I love 'em! …..end of story.
- Pretending you're gay in the club definitely attracts women…although….if you pretend too hard, it creates problems of its own. I did not learn this lesson personally….just for the record….
- Women will still pursue you….even if they think you're gay. Very funny story on its own.
- Brazilian girls are the most awesomely passionate yet street smart things on the planet!
- Irish girls are highly entertaining. I swear I could sit there and listen to them jibber jabber for hours….I think I did. I still don't know if they were making up words on the spot, or if they were actually using real English.
And that wraps up my horribly sparse summary of the last week and some change in South America. I will be back! And I am still looking for adventure recommendations. Ciao!
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